I woke up pretty early today and got my shower in giving me time to sit at the kitchen table and just think while Naomi and Gage played horses in the living room. Rare.
I was just randomly thinking of my Grandma Carla as I sat there.
Just her exasperated but sincere look when she often says: "Oh you guys!"
I can just see the look in her eyes as at different times she mentions her sons for one reason or another.
Andy, Tim, Dennis, Bruce, Troy, David and Uncle Jay.
And how she loves each of her seven boys individually and differently and each so sincerely.
A sweet character of heart, my Grandma Carla. The most feminine, sweet, girly girl I know.
But yet she had seven boys. I can't believe Heavenly father put her through that sometimes. And lets face it, we all know my Grandpa. He is most definitely an 8th son. I bet he could even count for 2 boys. Actually I'm sure of it.
Her life task makes me tired thinking of it.
They all love their mother too. Most often when I visit she tells me of a phone call she just had with one of them or how Dennis or Tim stop by randomly(20 miles out of town) just to chat before going home after work.
I thought of my little cousin Tyler and how she loves him too, in the same sweet simple way she loves all her grand kids. His parents told me that sometimes when they wake up they will hear talking in Tyler's room only to go in there and find him skyping Grandma, just chatting away the morning hours.
Double mint gum, changing sheets on beds, the color peach and green, the American flag, vacuuming and making chocolate chip cookies with my kids, each of these things reminds me of time spend with Grandma Carla.
When I think of the examples of mother's I have in my life...shoot, I should be doing a lot better job than I am. I so want to be a better mother. I know every mother probably has regrets. I already have several. I am determined to make those regrets minimal. Its crazy to think how much my decisions and habits and weaknesses and strengths influence their lives. I need to be more careful, and bite my bad tendency's in the butt. Force myself to get over my fears that I DO NOT want my kids to inherit. NOW. And most of all pour my love out on them more freely and openly so they will have no doubt ever ever ever that they are loved. Every stinkin piece of them.
That's it. Peaceful morning over.