The Book of Orton

Just found this picture below on an old camera card. 

 Cache took it of us on Valentine's day.

I laughed when I saw this picture because little did I know in this pic that  

somethin was a brrrrewin. 

Brewin in the belly... :)

we found out that evening.

{20 weeks}

We were and are feeling: excited,thankful,nervous,anxious and very surprised.

Babies don't come easy peasy as planned for me, so we were hoping, but it didn't happen and the time came that we realized the timing would be very stressful and complicated to have one directly after graduation.  So I began to have a new dream. One that involved me with just my two children that I'm in love with.  A couple more years of good night's rests, running a trail-running race and maybe a trip to Disney world...

Yes I could be very happy without another baby. So we changed our hopes and aspirations for the next couple years.

But then I was reminded as I am quite frequently these days,

I am not in charge.

In the end I am always so thankful that things

didn't go according to MY plan.

In the END i said.

We were in disbelief. No really, even after several positive tests Devin

 hugged me, not to celebrate but more to console me, and kindly reassure me that other factors medications etc. 

caused a false positive test. :)

I think more than anything we were afraid to both

be terribly disappointed if it weren't true.

But then we saw that little person waving it's arms at us

at my very first appointment.  Almost to say: Hey! SEE me? I'm HERE!

Devin finally gave me the congratulations hug after the doctor left, and 

took me out to lunch.

At about the same time all of our loved one's and friend's lives 

began falling apart.  All at once.  I have never felt so much

heart ache for one person let alone four different loved ones.

Never. Not even for myself.

So we were too scared to even accept or speak our little 

happiness, for fear it would be taken away.

So we said nothing to anyone(really, my mom found out like last week!)

 and at each doc appointment

I prepared myself for the worst.

Why should I be so extra blessed at the same time others 

blessings were being taken?

But I'm coming to terms and feel that Heavenly Father loves us all the

same. He takes care of all his children and will always in his

own special, perfect way.

So I now can be more open with my thankfulness.

Plus I can't hide it anymore. 

The future of our little family is so up in the air right now

and the baby just adds to the party in our minds

as we try look at all the puzzle pieces floating in the air that need 

to land, connect and make a pretty picture...

Where will we live?

What state will this baby be born in?

Who and when will buy our home?

Will this baby ever uncross it's legs so we can tell what it is?!

Will I find a doctor so late in my pregnancy?

Will the baby be okay?

Will Devin work for someone or start his own practice?

How do you start your own practice?

What is that weird smell in our house this week?

on and on and on...

But  I am THRILLED to meet this new little one. 

I can't even imagine what this new one will be like.  

After all who could ever imagined a personality like 

this one:

Or really even this one:

(Cache's was a pilot last week. A new character.)

Or what they would be like together!

I guess we'll just WAIT and see. 

Liiike everything ELSE in life right now.